Mind Games

You know that feeling when you feel like your mind is playing games on you? I'm assuming most of you do and most of you understand that Satan loves to make us feel this way. I think Satan has been having a little bit too much fun in my brain as of late.

I am writing this after another tearful evening wrestling with God and what my purpose here is. From my neighbors smoking habits to my kids at school I often feel dejected & physically and emotionally unprepared to fight Satan's spiritual battles.

I am thankful that my time here has brought me closer to God and His truth, but I am saddened at what I can not do for my students...they must chose to follow God and obey. I can't just granted them obedience even though I wish I could.

My neighbors on the other hand get an assist for their nighttime recon into my brain thanks to their illegal smoking choices occasionally. Their smoke wafts in to my room where it gets stuck and makes me severely nauseated and keeps me up anticipating sleep and the day to come during which time I try and pray, but often find myself worrying about this or that; obviously not trusting God.

It is hard to think that I have been here for almost 4 months and what a time of growth and discovery it has been. I am constantly surrounded by God's beautiful creation, the glorious sun, and other people who have chose this endeavor too. We have that at least in common.

Being a self proclaimed OCD/busy bee it is hard for me to stop and be still. Something that God taught me about this past weekend when I got to house sit for one of my students with another teacher. My student lives about a 30 minute drive from school in a beautiful log cabin/dr. quinn medicine style cabin...a far cry from the cement house i live in here. It made me homesick for comfortable couches, TV, the library, and a bed without springs sticking out! But the most of all the time without phone or internet gave me time to think. It's uncomfortable for me to sit still because I'm constantly thinking of what I need to do (even now I'm writing a list of things to do tomorrow). But it was good...I had plenty of me time on Saturday when I woke up at 5am to cows moo-ing (techically lowing I think is the appropriate word), but regardless I had some quality thinking and praying time.

Prayer Requests:
I have 3 boys in my class who need serious love and attention. Please pray for guidance I try and show them this without encouraging their bad behavior.

Emotional Stamina - tears are frequent and unexplained most of the time

Physical Strength - praise I have not gotten severely sick, pray that my sleeping continues to improve (I wake up 4 times a night because of dreams or nasuea)

Relationships at the school. I need to do a better job of reaching out...I'm letting my language impediment stop me from conversations...I need to learn to laugh at myself.

Strange but true - one of the first graders' uncles was kidnapped and is being held for ransom (I believe $3,000,000 US). Anyways, Alexander misses his uncle alot. Pray for the family as this is difficult I'm sure (i've never personally known someone with family who had been kidnapped).

Praise:
my lack of sickness
our vonage phone - i've been able to talk ot dear friends in the states as well as my parents.